July 26: A Bell, Fake It, Tree with Light

I had been my whole life a bell, and never knew it until at that moment I was lifted and struck.

Dillard has just seen something amazing.  Something that makes her whole being hum with wonder.  A tree filled with light.  All her life, she searches out things that astound, leave her breathless.  She sets out every day, journal in hand, sandwich in her backpack, on a quest.  What she learns is that you can't go out and find miracles.  Miracles find you.

I returned to work today.  I was tired and less than enthusiastic.  However, I followed the advice of a therapist friend of mine--"Fake it 'til you make it," she told me.  That's what I did.  I faked it all day long.  I faked answering the phones.  Faked registering patients and putting together medical charts.  I faked it so much today that I could have been the keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention.  By the end of the day, I was sort of believing my own lies.

I am happy with my job at the surgery center.  Happy to be working with my old friends.  I think it's because I've developed a greater appreciation for the work.  When I had the job before, I really didn't realize how good I had it.  I was working with my sister and one of my best friends.  People appreciated the fact that I was good at what I did.

Now, I am back, doing what I did for 17 years.  I know that my life is a miracle.  Know that God has been watching over me.  About a year ago, my sister was dying in Ann Arbor.  She suffered for months and months, and, up until almost the very end, I didn't believe that she was going to die.  And then she was gone.

But in the year since, wonderful things have happened in my life.  I've reconnected with an old friend.  Got a new car.  Received a promotion at the university.  Had a couple of poems accepted in an anthology.  And I'm back doing a job I really like, most of the time.

Saint Marty is seeing the lights in the tree tonight.  Merry Christmas.