January 11: Soundtrack of My Life, Track K. Smith, "The Universe: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack"

I always wonder what the soundtrack of my life would be.  My early life would probably be dominated by the Star Wars theme by John Williams.  Luke Skywalker and R2D2.  Later, the 1980s, the soundtrack would be be Risky Business and Amadeus, a mixture of rock and Mozart. 

In the 1990s, I became a church organist.  "How Great Thou Art."  "Amazing Grace."  Got married in 1995.  Became a father in 2000.  Dora the Explorer.  SpongeBob SquarePants.  And now?  We're back to Star Wars.

Saint Marty has come full circle.

The Universe:  Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

by:  Tracy K. Smith

The first track still almost swings.  High hat and snare, even
A few bars or sax the stratosphere will singe-out soon enough.

Synthesized strings.  Then something like cellophane
Breaking in as if snagged to a shoe.  Crinkle and drag.  White noise,

Black noise.  What must be voices bob up, then drop, like metal shavings
In molasses.  So much for us.  So much for the flags we bored

Into planets dry as chalk, for the tin cans we filled with fire
And rode like cowboys into all we tried to tame.  Listen:

The dark we've only ever imagined now audible, thrumming,
Marbled with static like gristly meat.  A chorus of engines churns.

Silence taunts a dare.  Everything that disappears
Disappears as if returning somewhere.

September 25: Only Once a Year, Making Rather Merry, Full Circle

The clerk observed that it [Christmas] was only once a year.

Of course, the sentence above is part of one of the most famous passages from A Christmas Carol.  Scrooge's response to Bob Cratchit's statement is repeated in stage and movie adaptations all the time.  I bet anybody reading this post could quote it verbatim:  "A poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every twenty-fifth of December!" 

Most people do not know that Bob repeats the exact observation at the end of the novel. He is late for work the day after Christmas, and Scrooge, playing a joke on his clerk, demands, ""What do you mean by coming here at this time of day?"  Bob, stammering, says, "It's only once a year, Sir...It shall not be repeated.  I was making rather merry yesterday, Sir."

The story has come full circle.  The difference, this time, is that Scrooge is a changed man.  Christmas is no longer a nuisance to him; it is a cause for rejoicing.  He no longer fears life; he rejoices in it.

Life has a way of repeating itself.  I think it has something to do with the fact that human beings are pretty flawed creatures.  We have bad habits, and we repeat the same mistakes.  Over and over and over.  That's the nature of being human.  It takes Scrooge almost an entire lifetime (and a few pretty scary ghosts) to change his ways.

I know my life goes in cycles.  Autumn (settling into teaching, trying to catch up with money problems).  Winter (preparing for the holidays, teaching again, feeling a little more caught-up with money issues).  Spring (ending of school, getting ready for Lent and Easter and summer, starting to worry about money again).  Summer (swimming, running, holding my breath over dwindling money).  Those are the seasons of my life, every year.

Like me, like Scrooge, I think most people live in fear of something.  I wish I could be more calm and secure in my life.  I wish I could be more like Bob Cratchit, whose life is shitty, but who seems content and at peace with his circumstances.  It's a matter of faith.  Bob has a lot of faith.  He believes Tiny Tim will get better.  He believes Scrooge is the founder of the Cratchit Christmas feast.  He believes in the goodness of people, even when he can barely feed his wife and children.  I wish I could have that kind of spirit.  The cycles of Bob's life are not ruled by doubt and worry.  They're ruled by hope and joy.  That's what I want.  More hope and joy.

Maybe Saint Marty needs to move to London and find a job as a clerk in a business office.  God Bless Us.  Everyone!

The real Circle of Life