The planet of Magrathea is not what the crew of the Heart of Gold expected . . .
Trillian hugged herself, shivered and frowned. She could have sworn she saw a slight and unexpected movement out of the corner of her eye, but when she glanced in that direction all she could see was the ship, still and silent, a hundred yards or so behind them.
She was relieved when a second or so later they caught sight of Zaphod standing on top of the ridge of ground and waving for them to come and join him.
He seemed to be excited, but they couldn't clearly hear what he was saying because of the thinnish atmosphere and the wind.
As they approached the ridge of higher ground they became aware that it seemed to be circular--a crater about a hundred and fifty yards wide. Round the outside of the crater the sloping ground was spattered with black and red lumps. They stopped and looked at a piece. It was wet. It was rubbery.
With horror they suddenly realized that it was fresh whalemeat.
At the top of the crater's lip they met Zaphod.
"Look," he said, pointing into the crater.
In the center lay the exposed carcass of a lonely sperm whale that hadn't lived long enough to be disappointed with its lot. The silence was only disturbed by the slight involuntary spasms of Trillian's throat.
"I suppose there's no point in trying to bury it?" murmured Arthur, and then wished he hadn't.
The results of an innocent sperm whale suddenly appearing miles above the planet and then plummeting to its inevitable death. The Heart of Gold crew are confronting the results of engaging the Improbability Drive and causing a death. It's a painful moment for some of them.
Of course, in life, pain is inevitable. If you are a human being, you will experience heartbreak, loss, and grief. Think about it. With the first breath you take, you begin the process of dying. It may be 80 or 90 years away. It may be hours away. The march of time in unavoidable.
Not surprisingly, Archbishop Tutu and the Dalai Lama have some words to share about dealing with pain in life. The first Noble Truth of Buddhism is that life is filled with dukkha (the stress and anxiety that arise from the attempt to control what is fundamentally impermanent and unable to be controlled). Thus, dukkha can consist of dealing with your mother who has Alzheimer's or watching your sister die of lymphoma of the brain. You want to control these circumstances, make your loved one whole and well again. But you can't. So, you experience dukkha.
The Dalai Lama says, "People would like to be able to take a pill that makes their fear and anxiety go away and makes them immediately feel peaceful. This is impossible."
The Dalai Lama is not (and I'm not) discrediting the use of psychiatric drugs to deal with conditions like depression or bipolar or schizophrenia. Those are medical conditions that require (for most people) the use of medications to alleviate the pain caused by them. My wife benefits daily from such prescriptions. What the Dalai Lama is talking about is something deeper--a discontent or void that seems bottomless, filled with fear and anxiety.
This void could exist in your job or in your home. The natural reaction to these feelings of emptiness is to try to find something to fill that hole. Some people turn to drugs. Some to food. Some to pornography. Some to indiscriminate sex with strangers. There's a reaching for an immediate fix, and these pleasures that I've just listed provide (for a very brief moment) pleasure. However, after that very brief moment, those anxieties and fears return, and the void seems even deeper and darker.
Of course, the answer to dukkha doesn't exist anywhere outside of yourself. It is a matter of acceptance and letting go. I can't control anything but my own reaction to bad things. My attitude makes the difference.
So, the lesson of joy for today is that pain is inevitable. I will stub my toe. I will lose people whom I love. I will worry about my children. However, if I recognize my powerlessness in these situations and give them up to my Higher Power, I will be able to reestablish the joy in my day-to-day existence.
Saint Marty is letting go tonight, and celebrating the grace of a chicken pot pie for dinner.
And a poem that touches upon letting go/emptying yourself from the newly named Poet Laureate of the United States, Joy Harjo . . .
Ah, Ah
by: Joy Harjo
Ah, ah cries the crow arching toward the heavy sky over the marina.
Lands on the crown of the palm tree.
Ah, ah slaps the urgent cove of ocean swimming through the slips.
We carry canoes to the edge of the salt.
Ah, ah groans the crew with the weight, the winds cutting skin.
We claim our seats. Pelicans perch in the draft for fish.
Ah, ah beats our lungs and we are racing into the waves.
Though there are worlds below us and above us, we are straight ahead.
Ah, ah tattoos the engines of your plane against the sky--away from these waters.
Each paddle stroke follows the curve from reach to loss.
Ah, ah calls the sun from a fishing boat with a pale, yellow sail. We fly by
on our return, over the net of eternity thrown out for stars.
Ah, ah scrapes the hull of my soul. Ah, ah.
Poet...Musician...Thinker...Blogger...Teacher...Husband...Father...I'm not perfect, but I try!
Showing posts with label fear and anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear and anxiety. Show all posts
Thursday, June 20, 2019
Saturday, January 10, 2015
January 10: The Enormity of It All, Richard Wilbur, "Boy at the Window," New Cartoon
Mr. Ives Senior was able to give his third son clothes and books, two brothers and a sister, a little money, and a room in his large, somewhat rundown brownstone, three stories high, on Carroll Street. And a name: Edward. And encouragement when, in one of the miracles of his life, young Ives, at the age of seven or so, had started to draw, spending his leisure hours not out on the street playing with the local ruffians, who'd slide down coal chutes and throw bottles off rooftops at passing trucks, but resting on his belly on their front parlor floor, copying out drawings from newspapers and the illustrated books that found their way into the house. His father had liked such books very much, notably those from England with engravings by the likes of John Tenniel or those artists who illustrated the works of Charles Dickens, whose line drawings enchanted the young Ives. (There was a row of books, memoirs and sporting novels, illustrated by Phiz, Cruickshank, Alken, Leech, Seymour, and Heath, among others.,) He also taught his son how to pray, when to kneel and stand and bow his head and close his eyes during the consecration of the Host, taught him to take in the beautiful goodness that he was desperate to believe existed; to tremble before the "enormity of it all."
There's a lot going on in this paragraph. It's about Ives' origins as an artist and person of faith. From a very young age, he demonstrates that he's different. Quiet and thoughtful. Interested in art and literature. Humbled by the goodness and expanse of God's love. The paragraph raises many questions and provides very few answers. Ives struggles before the "enormity of it all" for almost the entire book.
This morning, I woke up in a cold sweat after a restless night of sleep. This week marks the beginning of the winter semester at the university, and I am teaching a graduate-level poetry seminar this coming Thursday. I chose my textbooks for the class almost two months ago, but I'm currently suffering through a great deal of anxiety over the enormity of it all. I'm terrified, actually. Every time I step into a classroom, I feel a little like a fraud, even if I've taught the subject before. Over my years of teaching, I've become acutely aware of how much I really don't know.
And that's what's causing me so much stress. Trying to pass myself off as some kind of expert. One of my college professors told me about the day he received his doctorate from the University of Michigan. He said he stepped outside the graduation ceremony and suddenly realized that he didn't know anything at all. He felt completely inadequate to face life's challenges.
That's where I am at the moment. Feeling completely inadequate and overwhelmed. I love poetry. I love talking about poetry. Reading it. Writing it. Rewriting it. Helping people write it. Helping people rewrite it. I want to make my students love it as much as I do. Now, the million-dollar question is, how do I do that? That's what keeping me up at night.
I'm going to make mistakes this semester. I know that. Hell, I've probably made a few mistakes already. I just don't want to mess up too badly. I'm one of the first contingent faculty members at the university to be assigned a graduate-level course. For the sake of my contingent colleagues, I need to do well. There are some people who would love to see me fail.
So, that's why I'm turning my blankets into knots at night. Enormous fear. Enormous anxiety. Enormity. Period.
Saint Marty has a great poem about fear to share tonight.
Boy at the Window
by: Richard Wilbur
Seeing the snowman standing all alone
In dusk and cold is more than he can bear.
The small boy weeps to hear the wind prepare
A night of gnashings and enormous moan.
His tearful sight can hardly reach to where
The pale-faced figure with bitumen eyes
Returns him such a God-forsaken stare
As outcast Adam gave to paradise.
The man of snow is, nonetheless, content,
Having no wish to go inside and die.
Still, he is moved to see the youngster cry.
Though frozen water is his element,
He melts enough to drop from one soft eye
A trickle of the purest rain, a tear
For the child at the bright pane surrounded by
Such warmth, such light, such love, and so much fear.
Confessions of Saint Marty
There's a lot going on in this paragraph. It's about Ives' origins as an artist and person of faith. From a very young age, he demonstrates that he's different. Quiet and thoughtful. Interested in art and literature. Humbled by the goodness and expanse of God's love. The paragraph raises many questions and provides very few answers. Ives struggles before the "enormity of it all" for almost the entire book.
This morning, I woke up in a cold sweat after a restless night of sleep. This week marks the beginning of the winter semester at the university, and I am teaching a graduate-level poetry seminar this coming Thursday. I chose my textbooks for the class almost two months ago, but I'm currently suffering through a great deal of anxiety over the enormity of it all. I'm terrified, actually. Every time I step into a classroom, I feel a little like a fraud, even if I've taught the subject before. Over my years of teaching, I've become acutely aware of how much I really don't know.
And that's what's causing me so much stress. Trying to pass myself off as some kind of expert. One of my college professors told me about the day he received his doctorate from the University of Michigan. He said he stepped outside the graduation ceremony and suddenly realized that he didn't know anything at all. He felt completely inadequate to face life's challenges.
That's where I am at the moment. Feeling completely inadequate and overwhelmed. I love poetry. I love talking about poetry. Reading it. Writing it. Rewriting it. Helping people write it. Helping people rewrite it. I want to make my students love it as much as I do. Now, the million-dollar question is, how do I do that? That's what keeping me up at night.
I'm going to make mistakes this semester. I know that. Hell, I've probably made a few mistakes already. I just don't want to mess up too badly. I'm one of the first contingent faculty members at the university to be assigned a graduate-level course. For the sake of my contingent colleagues, I need to do well. There are some people who would love to see me fail.
So, that's why I'm turning my blankets into knots at night. Enormous fear. Enormous anxiety. Enormity. Period.
Saint Marty has a great poem about fear to share tonight.
Boy at the Window
by: Richard Wilbur
Seeing the snowman standing all alone
In dusk and cold is more than he can bear.
The small boy weeps to hear the wind prepare
A night of gnashings and enormous moan.
His tearful sight can hardly reach to where
The pale-faced figure with bitumen eyes
Returns him such a God-forsaken stare
As outcast Adam gave to paradise.
The man of snow is, nonetheless, content,
Having no wish to go inside and die.
Still, he is moved to see the youngster cry.
Though frozen water is his element,
He melts enough to drop from one soft eye
A trickle of the purest rain, a tear
For the child at the bright pane surrounded by
Such warmth, such light, such love, and so much fear.
Confessions of Saint Marty
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