February 15: Blood Trail, Hallmark Movie, Double Down

Santiago cleans his wound . . . 

Shifting the weight of the line to his left shoulder and kneeling carefully he washed his hand in the ocean and held it there, submerged, for more than a minute watching the blood trail away and the steady movement of the water against his hand as the boat moved.

So, here is Santiago cleaning out the cut he received on his hand from a dumb mistake.

Yesterday, I wrote about Valentine shaming.  The thing that happens on Facebook every February 14 where people post pictures of their perfect loves.  I knew that I might receive some pushback on my words.  I did.  Perhaps yesterday's post was a dumb mistake on my part, and I'm still bleeding a little from some of the responses.

I'm about to double down on my dumb mistake.

I am not jaded or angry or depressed.  I believe in love.  Real love.  On social media, we want everyone to see us at our bests.  That's why we photoshop pictures.  We live in a mediated age, where reality isn't good enough.  We all want to be Hallmark movie stars.  I want to be a Hallmark movie star (although I lack the physique, jawline, and flannel shirts).  But that just isn't what love is.

As I said yesterday, life is messy.  Love is messy.  You can't get around it.  Any person who has been in any kind of long-term relationship will be attest to this fact.  If they don't, they're lying.  There is no way to reflect in a Facebook post the kinds of struggles and joys that occur in lengthy love relationships.

Instead, what we end up seeing on social media are the kinds of posts that make some people insecure and/or depressed about their own love lives.  Or lack thereof.  My Valentine's Day post was my dumb mistake way of trying to tell people that love is not a Hallmark movie.  It's more like Terms of Endearment, hopefully without the terminal cancer.  

I fiercely love the people in my life, with all their faults and downfalls.  I am lucky to have people who fiercely love me, despite all of my failings.  That is what I want to celebrate.  Unconditional love.

There, I said it.  You can all go back to your Hallmark fantasies now.

And Saint Marty is going to go clean up all the cuts and bruises he received after yesterday's post.

February 14: Rougher Where You Are Going, Valentine's Day, Actual Reality

Santiago is injured . . . 

You did not stay long, the man thought. But it is rougher where you are going until you make the shore. How did I let the fish cut me with that one quick pull he made? I must be getting very stupid. Or perhaps I was looking at the small bird and thinking of him. Now I will pay attention to my work and then I must eat the tuna so that I will not have a failure of strength.

"I wish the boy were here and that I had some salt," he said aloud.

Sometimes, I make dumb mistakes.  Just like Santiago.  Do things I know I shouldn't do.  That's often why I remain silent when I get angry.  I prefer not to say or do things in the heat of a moment.  Because words spill out of my mouth that I later regret.  Better just to eat my tongue and not make a stupid mistake.

Today is Valentine's Day.  I have to admit that I didn't do anything very Valentine-ee today.  I worked.  Taught.  Worked some more.  The one Valentine thing I did was host a Valentine's Day concert at the library where I'm the Adult Programming Coordinator.  For one hour, I sat and listened to love songs.

Of course, my Facebook feed was full of Valentine posts.  People proclaiming that their significant others are the best partners in the whole world.  Pictures of flowers and chocolates and steak dinners and weddings.  My favorite this year:  a picture of dog eating a heart-shaped biscuit.  Love is in the air.

If you detected a little bit of sarcasm in that last paragraph, it was intentional.  Here is where I may be making a dumb mistake.  I find posts on holidays like Valentine's Day and Christmas a little difficult.  Like teenage girls looking at pictures of models in magazines, adults see posts featuring rose petals on pillows, boxes of Godiva, candlelit dinners, and they immediately feel shitty about their lives.

So, for everyone experiencing this annual ritual of Valentine shaming, remember that perfect love doesn't exist.  There are always squabbles and differences.  Outright arguments.  Relationships are living things.  They breathe, love, cry, hurt, get depressed.  Sometimes they betray.  Sometimes they buy you chocolate and take you to a movie.  

And, sometimes, it's simply better to be unattached.  In a relationship with yourself, finding out what makes you happy or sad or upset.  The good thing about this arrangement is that you always get what you want for Valentine's Day, even if it's a nap and the next episode of Breaking Bad.  

There.  That's my dumb mistake for today.  I hate Valentine shaming.  Facebook tends to promote a version of reality that is only tangentially related to actual reality.  Because, let's face it, life is messy, difficult, and painful sometimes.  Love is, too.

That's Saint Marty's Valentine's Day wisdom.