Showing posts with label deep breath. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deep breath. Show all posts

Thursday, September 14, 2023

September 14: "Singapore," Rules for Poetry, Subaru Impreza

Mary Oliver writes a poem about birds and trees and rivers . . . 

Singapore

by Mary Oliver

In Singapore, in the airport,
a darkness was ripped from my eyes.
In the women's restroom, one compartment stood open.
A woman knelt there, washing something
     in the white bowl.

Disgust argued in my stomach
and I felt, in my pocket, for my ticket.

A poem should always have birds in it.
Kingfishers, say, with their bold eyes and gaudy wings.
Rivers are pleasant, and of course trees.
A waterfall, or if that's not possible, a fountain
     rising and falling.
A person wants to stand in a happy place, in a poem.

When that woman turned I could not answer her face.
Her beauty and her embarrassment struggled together, and
     neither could win.
She smiled and I smiled.  What kind of nonsense is this?
Everybody needs a job.

Yes, a person wants to stand in a happy place, in a poem.
But first we much watch her as she stares down at her labor,
     which is dull enough.
She is washing the tops of the airport ashtrays, as big as 
     hubcaps, with a blue rag.
Her small hands turn the metal, scrubbing, and rinsing.
She does not work slowly, nor quickly, but like a river.
Her dark hair is like the wing of a bird.

I don't doubt for a moment that she loves her life.
And I want her to rise up from the crust and the slop
     and fly down to the river.
This probably won't happen.
But maybe it will.
If the world were only pain and logic, who would want it?

Of course, it isn't.
Neither do I mean anything miraculous, but only
the light that can shine out of life.  I mean
the way she unfolded and refolded the blue cloth,
the way her smile was only for my sake; I mean
the way this poem is filled with trees, and birds.



I love this poem for many reasons.  However, my favorite part of it is Oliver's "rules for poetry."  She basically describes the perfect Mary Oliver poem.

According to Oliver, a poem . . . 

1) should always have birds in it
2) is made better by the presence of rivers
3) and trees
4) and a waterfall (or a fountain rising and falling if a waterfall isn't possible)

These are elements that belong in Oliver's "happy place," and Oliver believes that a poem should let a person stand in a happy place.  So, even though Oliver is standing in an airport bathroom, watching a woman scrub ashtrays in a toilet bowl.  Oliver finds birds and rivers and trees.

Of course, my happy place is very different from Oliver's, and your happy place, dear disciple, is probably very different from mine.  Happiness is subjective, and, while chocolate makes me happy, it may give you a migraine.

I think the point is that a poem is a respite, a deep breath in the middle of the chaos of life.  I've always had very visceral reactions to poems.  This first time I read "To Christ Our Lord," I remember just sitting in my seat, stunned by the beauty of Galway Kinnell's words into a ten-minute moment of poetic nirvana.  (By the way, there are quite a few birds in that poem, so Oliver would have been very happy with it.)

So, as I write the final paragraph of this post, let me try to employ Oliver's rules of poetry.

Monday morning, as I was driving to work, I watched the sun rise over Lake Superior.  It was a golden green day, the leaves of some of the maples along U. S. 41 already being chewed up by autumn.  (There's the trees.)  I didn't drive slowly or quickly, but like a river.  With purpose toward another week of work and school.  (There's the river.)  I had no idea how things were going to change for me.   This afternoon, I purchased a new car, ending four days of uncertainty and worry.  It's a 2024 Subaru Impreza the color of goose wings.  (There's the bird.)

Now the waterfall:  Saint Marty feels as if he's just ridden in a barrel over Niagara and is bobbing safely in the foam at the bottom of the falls, gazing around in wonder at where he started and where he ended up. 



Sunday, February 20, 2022

February 21: Stays Down Forever, Facing Adversity, Deep Breath

Santiago tries to get his cramped hand working . . . 

But he seems calm, he thought, and following his plan. But what is his plan, he thought. And what is mine? Mine I must improvise to his because of his great size. If he will jump I can kill him. But he stays down forever. Then I will stay down with him forever.

He rubbed the cramped hand against his trousers and tried to gentle the fingers. But it would not open. Maybe it will open with the sun, he thought. Maybe it will open when the strong raw tuna is digested. If I have to have it, I will open it, cost whatever it costs. But I do not want to open it now by force. Let it open by itself and come back of its own accord. After all I abused it much in the night when it was necessary to free and unite the various lines.

Sometimes, life doesn't cooperate with you.  Santiago knows he has a huge fish on his line.  He understands the physical needs of catching that fish.  Yet, things aren't going his way.  He hand is cramping.  He's alone in the middle of the sea, without a whole lot of food or water to sustain him.  If the title of this book was The Old Saint Marty and the Sea, Saint Marty would have cut the line about twelve hours before and paddled his way home.

But there is something to be said for sticking it out.  Facing adversity and staring it down. Adversity comes in two varieties.  First, there's the kind over which you have no control--the death of family members, natural disasters, health crises.  Then there's the kind over which you have a little power--bad jobs, relationships, habits.  

Today, there was little adversity in my life.  I went to church this morning, and then I was on my couch most of the day, doing computer work and binging the series Normal People on Hulu.  (It's based on the novel of the same title by Sally Rooney, and it is one of my favorite books of the last few years.)  Sure, I got a little tired of staring at my laptop for hours, but that really isn't adversity.  More like a necessary evil in my life.

After five or so hours, I was hungry and tired.  So I made dinner for my son and myself.  Pizza for him.  Leftover chicken for me.  In the evening, I led a poetry workshop on odes.  Lots of my poet friends showed up, and it was a lovely time of laughter and love.

If none of this sounds very exciting, you are right.  It was a quiet day without any drama.  And I enjoyed every second of it.  Adversity isn't all it's cracked up to be.  Yes, there's the old saying that pressure creates diamonds.  That may be true.  But pressure can also shatter windows and cause your car tire to blowout.

I don't get many days like this.  My life is usually a series of panic attacks interspersed with poetry and music.  Don't get me wrong.  I like being in the thick of things with creative people, planning out ways to bring more beauty and joy into the world.  However, days of deep breath are very healing and restorative for my restless mind and spirit.

Don't worry.  Tomorrow, I will be back to my neurotic rants.

But tonight, Saint Marty is all about getting in touch with his inner nap.



Friday, March 4, 2016

March 4: Blood Fluke, Deep Breath, Matthew Gavin Frank, "Illinois Witches"

Other creatures have it just about as easy.  A blood fluke starts out as an egg in human feces.  If it happens to fall into fresh water it will live only if it happens to encounter a certain species of snail.  It changes in the snail, swims out, and now needs to find a human being in the water in order to bore through his skin.  It travels around in the man's blood, settles down in the blood vessels of his intestine, and turns into a sexually mature blood fluke, either male or female.  Now it has to find another fluke, of the opposite sex, who also just happens to have traveled the same circuitous route and landed in the same unfortunate man's intestinal blood vessels.  Other flukes lead similarly improbable lives, some passing through as many as four hosts.

Yes, it's a weird, disgusting paragraph.  Blood flukes and human feces.  Snails and hosts.  I love strange facts, things that other people find repulsive or simply unbelievable.  Reading the above passage makes me realize that the world is infinitely adaptable.  Blood flukes will find a way to grow, mature, and reproduce, even in the absence of a pile of shit.

I have been in a strange mood all day.  That's why I chose the blood fluke paragraph from Annie Dillard, and the Matt Frank poem below about witches and slaughter.  It's Friday night.  For the past five days, I have been forced into normalcy by my job.  Patients in a medical office do not want to be greeted by a poet with a blog.  They want a smiling face of a person who makes them feel safe and comfortable.

Tonight, I don't have to be safe and comfortable.  Tomorrow, I don't have to be safe and comfortable (except when I'm at church).  Ditto Sunday.  When I left work this afternoon, I practically ran out of the building.  When I got outside, I stopped and took a really deep breath, probably the deepest breath I've taken all week.

Yes, I still have work to do this weekend.  Bathrooms to clean.  Papers to grade.  Things to post for my online class.  But, for some reason, I still feel freer, as if I'm living inside that deep breath.  I'm ready to let go, relax.  And correct papers.  And scrub toilets.  And vacuum rugs.

Hey, Saint Marty is a blood fluking party animal.

Illinois Witches

by:  Matthew Gavin Frank

Broom of hackberry,
dormancy on the lawn.

We don't yet realize
we can eat the mildew,

test the buds
for their sugar.

Where the corn is now, sixteen women
were slaughtered with a scythe in 1806,
the symptoms of sweetness and a burlap rope.
They used farming as an excuse . . .

We all die forward,
the multiplex in Savoy

lighting our bloods
in pink.  Up close,

we look like the short-twigs
of some secondary plant.

The men who laid this field
lit their oil and read how, throughout the Midwest,
the softest of the mites tie themselves
in the shoots, lay their eggs in May.

They read and rename
auditoriums after the breasts

of their founders' wives.
We have since been looking

for a broom-free species.
The reports call us, aesthetically unpleasant.

Until they sprayed us with sulfur,
we had food on our plates, barrettes
in our hair.  We saw the star in the oak wilt.
Imagined the tunnel that, one day, boys

must walk through
after their classes,

ignoring the plots,
all the way to the Locust

Street tracks.  We give them
peanut shells on the bottoms

of their shoes, beetles in their hands.
We give them their long walk,
a fucking sunset before them, trains
on either side.


Wednesday, June 13, 2012

June 13: Taking a Deep Breath, Fight or Flight, Gaining Control

Yesterday, at a therapy appointment with my wife, we talked about deep breathing.  Our therapist told us about the physical act of taking a deep breath as a means of regaining control in a tense situation.  She said that, when we start panicking, it's a throwback to a primeval part of our psyches.  Back in the time of dinosaurs and saber tooth tigers, our reaction to a threat was either to fight (and probably die) or resort to flight (and probably die).  When I allow myself to become overwhelmed by financial worries, I am in the jungle again, wondering when that sound in the trees will jump out and maul me to death. 

Taking a deep breath physically arrests that anxiety.  It allows me to gain control of myself and the situation.  I am not going to die because I got an overdraft notice in the mail (which I did today).  Deep breath.  I am not going to die if my mortgage refinance falls through.  Deep breath.  I'm not even going to die if, for some reason, I lose one of my jobs.  Deep breath.  None of those circumstances will physically end my existence.  Deep breath.

The neanderthal in me has just taken the back seat.  It's no longer driving my actions, and the saber tooth tiger is no longer breathing down my neck.  That's what deep breathing does.  There are also some very physical reactions in the body that deep breathing triggers, and those reactions also help quell panic and anxiety.  I've been practicing deep breathing today.  I've even been practicing it as I type this post.

Saint Marty is just one...Deep breath...Deep...Deep breath...Cleansing...Deep breath...Breath...Deep breath...Away...Deep breath...From.  Deep breath...Sanity...Deep breath...

Run for your life!  The cable bill payment is late!