October 24: So Damn Sleepy, Daughter's Ear, Piece of Mind

...It wasn't that I was bored or anything--I wasn't--but I was so damn sleepy all of a sudden...

That pretty much describes my current state at the moment.  The members of my book club left about an hour or so ago.  We had a good meeting about Stephen King's sequel to The Shining.  Everybody loved Dr. Sleep.  My sister, who didn't read it, loved the reviews about Dr. Sleep.  (My sister rarely finishes the books for book club, but she spends a lot of time reading about the books we read for book club.)

Today, I'm supposed to give you a piece of my mind.  I'm too damn tired to voice a strong opinion about anything.  However, I am a little disgusted by the high costs of medical care.  My daughter ripped the earring out of her ear this morning.  She did a pretty good job.  She split her earlobe in two cleanly.  My wife took her to the pediatrician.  The pediatrician wouldn't touch it; he said she needs to see a plastic surgeon.

So, I went to the office of a plastic surgeon I know, and I found out that, to get my daughter's ear fixed properly, I have to pay $250.  It's considered cosmetic surgery, so the office won't even bill my medical insurance.  Obviously, that's going to be a problem.  I can barely buy a stamp at the moment.  I don't have an earlobe fund in the bank.

Medicine in this country is too damn expensive.  Way too expensive.  I guess I'm considered middle class.  I make too much money to qualify for food stamps or to get my kids free hot lunch at school.  Yet, I can't afford to get my daughter's ear sewn back together.  That's pretty depressing.

The healthcare industry in the United States needs to be scrapped.  It doesn't need to be reformed.  Reformation indicates that it used to work and needs to be returned to a former state.  The healthcare industry in the U.S.has never really worked all that well.  And now, when a twelve-year-old girl has an open wound on her head, the fix is so expensive that she may have to live with it for a while.

President Obama didn't go far enough with healthcare reform.  He should have mothballed the whole system.and started over.

That's a piece of Saint Marty's mind.

I don't know how to get to either of these streets

May 24: So Damn Sleepy, Fairy Tale Friday, Sleeping Marty

He didn't say anything again for quite a while.  I don't know if you've ever done it, but it's sort of hard to sit around waiting for somebody to say something when they're thinking and all.  It really is.  I kept trying not to yawn.  It wasn't that I was bored or anything--I wasn't--but I was so damn sleepy all of a sudden.

The key phrase of the Catcher passage above is "...I was so damn sleepy all of a sudden."  For some reason, I am beat today.  I was tired when I woke up, and I've been tired all day long.  It's the kind of tired where your eyes feel like they've gone ten rounds with Apollo Creed.  I could fall asleep right now.

But I'm not going to.  I owe my disciples a fairy tale.  So, we begin, as we always do...

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of YouPee, there lived a hardworking cobbler named Marty.  Now, Marty was so hardworking that, when he was finished working on shoes during the day, he moonlighted at a local apothecary shop, making magic wart remover.  You see, every summer, YouPee was plagued by thousands of toads, and all of its citizens ended up being covered with warts.  So, September through May, the local union of apothecaries worked day-and-night to produce enough Wart-Be-Gone for June, July, and August.

Marty usually only got two to three hours of sleep a night.  One morning, as he was working on a pair of Hermes high tops for Phatboy, the royal hip hop dancer, Marty fell asleep.  When he woke up a little while later, a toad was sitting on the bench next to Phatboy's left shoe.

The toad cleared its throat.  "Greetings, Sleeping Marty," it croaked.  "I am a magic toad.  You see, many years ago, I lived one kingdom over in the palace.  I am actually a princess.  But I was a wicked little girl.  I stole money from the royal treasury and blamed it on Kermit, the court jester.  My father ordered that Kermit be drowned in the castle moat.  As Kermit was being dragged away by the guards, he cursed me to life of ugliness.  He said I would never be a girl again until I could convince a true and noble man to kiss me.  You are a true and noble man, Marty.  If you kiss me now, I promise you a life of wealth and leisure.  You will never have to work another day in your life, and I will love you until my dying day."

Sleeping Marty took his hammer and smashed the toad with it.  "Damn talking toads," he said, and he went back to work on the Hermes high tops.

The moral of the story:  Don't trust toads.

And Saint Marty lived happily ever after.

Would you trust this thing?