February 14, 2026: “Persephone,” Valentine’s Day, “Why?”

Yes, I find myself still struggling with my writing.  It’s not that I’m not doing it.  I’m doing it every day.  It’s just that everything I write is crap.  Or, at least, it’s crap to me.  I’ve lost my ability to judge whether what I compose is good or bad.  My inner editor is broken or on an extended vacation or in some ICE detention facility somewhere in Texas.  I’m not sure.

It is Valentine’s Day, and my wife and I did go out to lunch to celebrate this afternoon.  I had a French dip sandwich, and the love of my life had a messy plate of nachos that she loved.  We have been through quite a bit in the 35+ years we have been a couple.  Breakups.  A wedding.  Two kids.  Separation.  Marriage counseling.  And here we are—still in love with each other.  Still best friends.  

I often wonder, if Orpheus and Eurydice or Romeo and Juliet had had chances to grow old together, would they have endured similar challenges?

Marie Howe writes about another ancient love story . . . 

Persephone

by: Marie Howe

People forget he was a king, a god,

and that down there deep

everything gleamed.

So tight did he hold me I was swaddled hard

so bound I couldn’t move,

and inside that grip he moved          and moved

                                     and it was a monstrosity

an ecstasy     I forgot myself.        I became

an animal again          I screamed.     It didn’t matter how long.

No one put a hand over my mouth.

                      And when it was over

I lay across his knees, on my back, entirely open,

nobody, no one

an animal on the altar of a king—a god.

Okay, so perhaps the myth of Persephone is NOT the most heartwarming or romantic.  I mean, it does begin with a kidnapping and grieving mother (who happens to be a goddess and almost destroys the world in her sorrow).  And Howe doesn’t really portray Persephone as a moony-eyed lover.  She’s more like an animal sacrifice meant to appease the king/god of the Underworld.  That beginning doesn’t bode well for a “happily ever after.”  But, maybe it’s a more realistic picture of the trials and tribulations of romantic love.  

I have loved my wife since the first day I laid eyes on her.  We had a lot of things stacked against us from the start.  There was an age difference that made both of our families a little suspicious.  At the time, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be in a serious relationship; I was a few years into my college education and thinking about graduate school.  She was raised Methodist, and I was a cradle Catholic.  (This may not sound like that big of a deal, but it certainly was for my father, in particular.)  Like I said, a lot of obstacles.

Yet, where love exists, anything is possible.  

As I said earlier, my wife and I have had our share of challenges.  Loss.  Mental illness.  Addiction.  But, to paraphrase Sir Elton John, we’re still standing.  For that, I credit stubbornness, luck, prayer, and quite a lot of grace.

My wife’s family has become my family.  When my sister died of lymphoma of the brain, they were there for me, holding me up, providing love and support (and food for the funeral lunch).  They did the same for the deaths of my brother, parents, and another sister.  I never had to ask or beg for help.  They just stepped in and lightened my burdens.

When I fell in love with my wife, I gained not just a partner, but an entire village of brothers, sisters, aunts, and uncles.  I have been truly blessed with love in my life.

Saint Marty wrote a poem for today about his sister, whom he loved deeply.  She was taken way too soon , , , 

Why?

by: Martin Achatz

I am older now than my sister

will ever be.  She will never fire

up the Keurig to make morning 

coffee again, never sit under

a lonely star and wonder why

her legs won’t help her rise

from her chair, never wrap

a birthday or Christmas present

again.  I wonder, in her last 

breaths, if she still felt longing,

the ache to be held like an infant

in our mother’s arms one more time.

When that comet appeared in the Milky

Way of her brain, and when

that comet became a shower

of August Perseids, did she know

she would be leaving us so

soon?  Were her bags packed,

plenty of socks and underwear

for the long journey?  I can still

see her standing on the deck

of Charon’s boat that last morning, 

waving to me as if she’s just going 

to Walmart to pick up a few things—

toilet paper, toothpaste, a dozen eggs.

June 13: Vast Corpse, Serial Killer, Being Alive

If to Starbuck the apparition of the Squid was a thing of portents, to Queequeg it was quite a different object.

"When you see him 'quid," said the savage, honing his harpoon in the bow of his hoisted boat, "then you quick see him 'parm whale."

The next day was exceedingly still and sultry, and with nothing special to engage them, the Pequod's crew could hardly resist the spell of sleep induced by such a vacant sea. For this part of the Indian Ocean through which we then were voyaging is not what whalemen call a lively ground; that is, it affords fewer glimpses of porpoises, dolphins, flying-fish, and other vivacious denizens of more stirring waters, than those off the Rio de la Plata, or the in-shore ground off Peru.

It was my turn to stand at the foremast-head; and with my shoulders leaning against the slackened royal shrouds, to and fro I idly swayed in what seemed an enchanted air. No resolution could withstand it; in that dreamy mood losing all consciousness, at last my soul went out of my body; though my body still continued to sway as a pendulum will, long after the power which first moved it is withdrawn.

Ere forgetfulness altogether came over me, I had noticed that the seamen at the main and mizzen mast-heads were already drowsy. So that at last all three of us lifelessly swung from the spars, and for every swing that we made there was a nod from below from the slumbering helmsman. The waves, too, nodded their indolent crests; and across the wide trance of the sea, east nodded to west, and the sun over all.

Suddenly bubbles seemed bursting beneath my closed eyes; like vices my hands grasped the shrouds; some invisible, gracious agency preserved me; with a shock I came back to life. And lo! close under our lee, not forty fathoms off, a gigantic Sperm Whale lay rolling in the water like the capsized hull of a frigate, his broad, glossy back, of an Ethiopian hue, glistening in the sun's rays like a mirror. But lazily undulating in the trough of the sea, and ever and anon tranquilly spouting his vapory jet, the whale looked like a portly burgher smoking his pipe of a warm afternoon. But that pipe, poor whale, was thy last. As if struck by some enchanter's wand, the sleepy ship and every sleeper in it all at once started into wakefulness; and more than a score of voices from all parts of the vessel, simultaneously with the three notes from aloft, shouted forth the accustomed cry, as the great fish slowly and regularly spouted the sparkling brine into the air.

"Clear away the boats! Luff!" cried Ahab. And obeying his own order, he dashed the helm down before the helmsman could handle the spokes.

The sudden exclamations of the crew must have alarmed the whale; and ere the boats were down, majestically turning, he swam away to the leeward, but with such a steady tranquillity, and making so few ripples as he swam, that thinking after all he might not as yet be alarmed, Ahab gave orders that not an oar should be used, and no man must speak but in whispers. So seated like Ontario Indians on the gunwales of the boats, we swiftly but silently paddled along; the calm not admitting of the noiseless sails being set. Presently, as we thus glided in chase, the monster perpendicularly flitted his tail forty feet into the air, and then sank out of sight like a tower swallowed up.

"There go flukes!" was the cry, an announcement immediately followed by Stubb's producing his match and igniting his pipe, for now a respite was granted. After the full interval of his sounding had elapsed, the whale rose again, and being now in advance of the smoker's boat, and much nearer to it than to any of the others, Stubb counted upon the honor of the capture. It was obvious, now, that the whale had at length become aware of his pursuers. All silence of cautiousness was therefore no longer of use. Paddles were dropped, and oars came loudly into play. And still puffing at his pipe, Stubb cheered on his crew to the assault.

Yes, a mighty change had come over the fish. All alive to his jeopardy, he was going "head out"; that part obliquely projecting from the mad yeast which he brewed.*

*It will be seen in some other place of what a very light substance the entire interior of the sperm whale's enormous head consists. Though apparently the most massive, it is by far the most buoyant part about him. So that with ease he elevates it in the air, and invariably does so when going at his utmost speed. Besides, such is the breadth of the upper part of the front of his head, and such the tapering cut-water formation of the lower part, that by obliquely elevating his head, he thereby may be said to transform himself from a bluff-bowed sluggish galliot into a sharppointed New York pilot-boat.

"Start her, start her, my men! Don't hurry yourselves; take plenty of time- but start her; start her like thunder-claps, that's all," cried Stubb, spluttering out the smoke as he spoke. "Start her, now; give 'em the long and strong stroke, Tashtego. Start her, Tash, my boy- start her, all; but keep cool, keep cool- cucumbers is the word- easy, easy- only start her like grim death and grinning devils, and raise the buried dead perpendicular out of their graves, boys- that's all. Start her!"

"Woo-hoo! Wa-hee!" screamed the Gay-Header in reply, raising some old war-whoop to the skies; as every oarsman in the strained boat involuntarily bounced forward with the one tremendous leading stroke which the eager Indian gave.

But his wild screams were answered by others quite as wild. "Kee-hee! Kee-hee!" yelled Daggoo, straining forwards and backwards on his seat, like a pacing tiger in his cage.

"Ka-la! Koo-loo!" howled Queequeg, as if smacking his lips over a mouthful of Grenadier's steak. And thus with oars and yells the keels cut the sea. Meanwhile, Stubb, retaining his place in the van, still encouraged his men to the onset, all the while puffing the smoke from his mouth. Like desperadoes they tugged and they strained, till the welcome cry was heard- "Stand up, Tashtego!- give it to him!" The harpoon was hurled. "Stern all!" The oarsmen backed water; the same moment something went hot and hissing along every one of their wrists. It was the magical line. An instant before, Stubb had swiftly caught two additional turns with it round the loggerhead, whence, by reason of its increased rapid circlings, a hempen blue smoke now jetted up and mingled with the steady fumes from his pipe. As the line passed round and round the loggerhead; so also, just before reaching that point, it blisteringly passed through and through both of Stubb's hands, from which the hand-cloths, or squares of quilted canvas sometimes worn at these times, had accidentally dropped. It was like holding an enemy's sharp two-edged sword by the blade, and that enemy all the time striving to wrest it out of your clutch.

"Wet the line! wet the line!" cried Stubb to the tub oarsman (him seated by the tub) who, snatching off his hat, dashed sea-water into it.* More turns were taken, so that the line began holding its place. The boat now flew through the boiling water like a shark all fins. Stubb and Tashtego here changed places- stem for stern- a staggering business truly in that rocking commotion.

*Partly to show the indispensableness of this act, it may here be stated, that, in the old Dutch fishery, a mop was used to dash the running line with water; in many other ships, a wooden piggin, or bailer, is set apart for that purpose. Your hat, however, is the most convenient.

From the vibrating line extending the entire length of the upper part of the boat, and from its now being more tight than a harpstring, you would have thought the craft had two keels- one cleaving the water, the other the air- as the boat churned on through both opposing elements at once. A continual cascade played at the bows; a ceaseless whirling eddy in her wake; and, at the slightest motion from within, even but of a little finger, the vibrating, cracking craft canted over her spasmodic gunwale into the sea. Thus they rushed; each man with might and main clinging to his seat, to prevent being tossed to the foam; and the tall form of Tashtego at the steering oar crouching almost double, in order to bring down his centre of gravity. Whole Atlantics and Pacifics seemed passed as they shot on their way, till at length the whale somewhat slackened his flight.

"Haul in- haul in!" cried Stubb to the bowsman! and, facing round towards the whale, all hands began pulling the boat up to him, while yet the boat was being towed on. Soon ranging up by his flank, Stubb, firmly planting his knee in the clumsy cleat, darted dart after dart into the flying fish; at the word of command, the boat alternately sterning out of the way of the whale's horrible wallow, and then ranging up for another fling.

The red tide now poured from all sides of the monster like brooks down a hill. His tormented body rolled not in brine but in blood, which bubbled and seethed for furlongs behind in their wake. The slanting sun playing upon their crimson pond in the sea, sent back its reflection into every face, so that they all glowed to each other like red men. And all the while, jet after jet of white smoke was agonizingly shot from the spiracle of the whale, and vehement puff after puff from the mouth of the excited headsman; as at every dart, hauling in upon his crooked lance (by the line attached to it), Stubb straightened it again and again, by a few rapid blows against the gunwale, then again and again sent it into the whale.

"Pull up- pull up!" he now cried to the bowsman, as the waning whale relaxed in his wrath. "Pull up!- close to!" and the boat ranged along the fish's flank. When reaching far over the bow, Stubb slowly churned his long sharp lance into the fish, and kept it there, carefully churning and churning, as if cautiously seeking to feel after some gold watch that the whale might have swallowed, and which he was fearful of breaking ere he could hook it out. But that gold watch he sought was the innermost life of the fish. And now it is struck; for, starting from his trance into that unspeakable thing called his "flurry," the monster horribly wallowed in his blood, overwrapped himself in impenetrable, mad, boiling spray, so that the imperilled craft, instantly dropping astern, had much ado blindly to struggle out from that phrensied twilight into the clear air of the day.

And now abating in his flurry, the whale once more rolled out into view! surging from side to side; spasmodically dilating and contracting his spout-hole, with sharp, cracking, agonized respirations. At last, gush after gush of clotted red gore, as if it had been the purple lees of red wine, shot into the frightened air; and falling back again, ran dripping down his motionless flanks into the sea. His heart had burst!

"He's dead, Mr. Stubb," said Daggoo.

"Yes; both pipes smoked out!" and withdrawing his own from his mouth, Stubb scattered the dead ashes over the water; and, for a moment, stood thoughtfully eyeing the vast corpse he had made.

Yes, this is a fairly long chapter from the book, but it reads quickly.  I was going to break it into two pieces, but I couldn't find a natural place to stop the action.  Hence, you get the entire narrative of Stubb killing a sperm whale.  Its details aren't pleasant, especially if you are an animal lover.  Basically, you have an innocent creature (despite Melville's use of the word "monster" here, the whale does nothing threatening) being slaughtered.  Not fun.

However, it's probably a fairly accurate description of whale hunting in the 19th century.  I don't begrudge Melville this story.  He writes what he knows.  I, myself, have come under criticism in the past for some of the material that I include in my writing.  Last night, I had a fairly lengthy discussion with a friend about a poem I've just finished.  In the poem, I describe Bigfoot finding a squirrel and snapping its neck.  Out of about 75 to 80 lines, the squirrel killing takes up about three lines.  Yet, my friend really had a hard time with this particular moment.

I am not a serial killer.  I don't capture neighborhood cats and dogs to torture and mutilate them in my basement.  I don't even have a basement.  Sure, every once in a while, a squirrel or bird dies.  I think the largest thing that I've ever killed in a poem was a hog.  In my defense, the poem was about my grandfather, who was a farmer.  Slaughter is a regular part of life on a farm.  If you don't believe me, read Charlotte's Web.

My point is that, while it is possible that Herman Melville witnessed the killing of a sperm whale in his younger days, the paragraphs above are fiction, and, as such, they should be read with that in mind.  Whaling was a part of life in Melville's time.  To ask him not to describe this death is like asking William Shakespeare to keep Romeo and Juliet alive at the end of the play.  It just doesn't work that way.  To be real in any sense, a reader of Moby-Dick should be ready for a few whales to die.  Just sayin'.

I try not to shy away from difficult subject matter.  Thus, Bigfoot killing the squirrel.  Life isn't easy, so poetry is not always easy, either.  In fact, my favorite poems that I've written involve things like killing squirrels, dead wrens, wounds that don't heal, and last breaths.  That's a pretty gruesome list, I know.  But I believe there's beauty in everything, including heartbreak and loss.  It's just harder beauty.

That's the reason why certain books or movies or plays or television shows that deal with difficult subject matter resonate with so many people.  Terms of Endearment still makes me weep like a baby every time I see it.  One of my favorite films of all time is Ordinary People--not really a warm-fuzzy viewing experience.  Our Town, a play I've seen and performed in, is full of tragedy.  A book I love--Mr. Ives' Christmas--is about a guy that suffers from severe depression for 25-plus years after the murder of his son on Christmas Eve.  And his son was going to be a priest!

I don't think any of these texts are great because they are sad or difficult.  I think they are great because they remind me that I'm human, and being a part of the human race is messy and beautiful and ugly and glorious and terrible.

Saint Marty is thankful today for being alive, even if it sucks sometimes.

January 28: Men's Courses, Free Will, New Member, New Cartoon

"Men's courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead," said Scrooge.  "But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change.  Say it is thus with what you show me!"

Scrooge is in a panic at this point in the book.  The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come has just brought Scrooge to his neglected grave, shown him his headstone.  After his travels in the spirit world, Scrooge knows he's screwed if he continues to live his life in the same manner.  He wants assurance from the Ghost that he can change the future, that he isn't doomed for eternity.

This passage touches upon the subject of free will.  It's about choices.  If Scrooge chooses to remain a "covetous, old sinner," he's going to die a lonely, hated old miser.  If he chooses to embrace mankind, share his material and spiritual abundance with the world, his heart and life will open.  He will save himself and, at the same time, Tiny Tim and the Cratchits and countless others.  The choice is his.

It's one of the oldest stories in the world.  Adam and Eve have free will in the book of Genesis, and they choose to eat the apple.  Romeo and Juliet have free will, and they choose to love each other.  SpongeBob has free will, and he chooses to work for Mr. Krabs.  If Adam and Eve had chosen a fig instead of the apple, we may all still be living in the Garden of Eden.  If Juliet had had the hots for Joe Blowtini down the lane, she and Romeo would have lived long, unhappy lives.  If SpongeBob worked for Plankton at the Chum Bucket instead...Who am I kidding?  SpongeBob would never work for Plankton.

My point is that we all have choices.  Our lives are a result of our choices.  That's one of the big lessons of A Christmas Carol.  I chose to move back to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan with my wife over ten years ago.  I chose to pursue degrees in writing and poetry.  I chose to start this blog.  Who I am, what I am, where I am, that's all a result of my choices.

Free will can be a gift or a curse.  It saves Scrooge.  It made Adolf Hitler one of the greatest monsters of the 20th century instead of a struggling artist.  It gave me a job as an adjunct English professor and made me a husband and father.  It may make me a winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature or the Pulitzer Prize, depending on my choices and a lot of luck.

Speaking of choices, a new person has chosen to be a disciple of Saint Marty.  I extend a warm welcome to Felipe.

Saint Marty is now going to exercise his free will.  He's going to end this post.

Confessions of Saint Marty