January 5: Writer Friend, Embracing the Negative, Bad News

My good writer friend

This morning at breakfast, my writer friend said something pretty profound.  He was talking about a cancer diagnosis he got from a doctor several years ago.  When the doctor told him about the tumor visible on his ultrasound, my friend slid his chair closer to the doctor and said, sotto voce, "Could it possibly be a body part of Jimmy Hoffa?"  That's how my friend deals with bad news:  he jokes about it.

"If you embrace the negative," he told me, "you take away its power.  It becomes a positive force in your life."

I've never really considered bad news becoming a force for good.  It seems totally foreign to my way of dealing with the storms of life.  I've always been more of a wallower.  If I'm in the Pit of Despair, I just thrash around until I get myself good and stuck.  I don't embrace the negative like my writer friend does.  I panic.  I complain.   Bitch.  Whine.  Moan.  You name it, I do it.

I'm not sure how to embrace the news about losing the Phil Levine Poetry Contest.  I can make a joke about it.  How many judges of the Phil Levine Poetry Contest does it take to screw in a light bulb?  Just one, because the judge has so much practice at screwing poets.  That makes me feel a little bit better, but I still feel like a loser.  However, I can laugh about being a loser.  I guess that's a step in the right direction.

My writer friend gave me food for thought this morning.  I'm still thrashing and sinking in the Pit of Phil Levine Despair.  I'm not a complete convert yet.

Saint Marty needs a little more practice at being a positive loser.

January 4: WiFi, Loser

Yes, I got the WiFi working at my house.  Actually, I just got the wireless working, and I'm feeling a little smart.  I don't know why I'm feeling smart.  The WiFi is working because of a very nice guy named Mike from AT&T who spent about 40 minutes on the phone with me this evening.  I just followed Mike's instructions.  Before that, I was an angry mess.  Setting this Internet up at my house just proved two things to me:  (1) I suck at doing technical things, and (2) I need  more friends who know how to do technical things.

I just checked my e-mail to prove to myself that I could check my e-mail at home.  I shouldn't have.  There was a message from the people who sponsor the Phil Levine Poetry Contest.  I've been waiting for about three months for this e-mail.  Unfortunately, the news wasn't great.  It wasn't even good.  I didn't win.  I wasn't even a finalist.  I really thought I had a shot with this book.  I worked harder on this manuscript than I did on my MFA thesis.  It has better poems in it and holds together better.  I'm really tired of disappointment. 

Yup

My friend Wonder Twin told me this afternoon that I'm never going to be named a Blog of Note because people don't want to read whiny, jealous rants all the time.  She's probably right.

I said I was going to write another post tonight if I got the wireless up and running at home.  Here it is.  Not very uplifting, I'm sorry to say.  I shouldn't have checked my e-mail.  I should have just basked in the success of my WiFi.

Saint Marty pretty much feels like a loser tonight.