January 22: Carol Dipping, Augusten Burroughs, New Cartoon

In his memoir Running With Scissors. Augusten Burroughs writes about Bible dipping.  Basically, the crazy family he lived with would ask the Bible a question, flip through the pages, and stop on a random passage.  That passage would be the answer to the question.  Basically, it's using the Bible like a Magic 8 Ball.

There's a long history of people using books like this.  In Italy around Dante's time, citizens used Virgil's Aeneid like a sacred text, as well.  Now, I sort of can understand Bible dipping.  (I've done it myself, just for fun.  Really.)  But
Aeneid dipping is just plain nuts.  At least the Bible has divinely inspired text.  It's not a slot machine.  You can't drop in a question, pull a lever, and have it spit out the correct answer.  However, my experience with Bible dipping allowed me to view my problem in a different light.  There's some benefit to that.

Therefore, I've decided to Carol dip.  Yes, I'm going to ask a question about my life, flip through my copy of A Christmas Carol, and put my finger on a page.  Whatever passage my finger lands on will provide my answer.

Here goes.

My question is:  Will I get a full-time teaching job at the university this year?

And my answer is...

"Why do you doubt your senses?"

"Because," said Scrooge, "a little thing affects them.  A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats.  You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato.  There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!"

Now, I just have to decipher the answer from that passage.

The passage concerns Jacob Marley's visit to Scrooge, and how Scrooge doubts the reality of Jacob's presence.  Scrooge is doubting himself.  He's using every excuse in the book to dismiss the truth of the ghost's appearance.  And, of course, Jacob Marley's ghost is standing before him, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with Scrooge's senses.

So, basically, the book is telling me to not doubt myself.  To trust that that full-time teaching job at the university is coming my way.  Believe in myself, and all will work out.

Saint Marty will take that answer.  God bless us , everyone!

Confessions of Saint Marty

December 15: I Wish I Had A Million Dollars...

I wish I had a million dollars...Hot dog!


Keep wishing, kid

George Bailey says this a few times during the film, starting when he's a very young boy.  He's in Mr. Gower's drug store, and there's a cigar lighter in the shape of a hot dog near the door.  Every time he passes by it or sees it, he makes this wish and pushes a button.  If the lighter ignites, he yells out, "Hot dog!"  Think of it as the It's A Wonderful Life equivalent of a Magic 8 Ball.

It's a wish that everybody makes some time in their lives.  When the chips are down, we all think about that magical remedy that will bring instant happiness.  Money usually plays a big part in that remedy.  A million dollars back in 1946, when Capra's film was released, would probably translate into several million dollars these days.  So, basically, George is wishing to be a multi-millionaire, like Mr. Potter but without Mr. Potter's perpetual case of bug-up-your-ass.

Now, I know having tons of money doesn't mean you're going to happy and fulfilled for the rest of your life.  George Bailey learns that lesson from Clarence, as well.  I'm currently living in a house that really isn't big enough for my family.  I'm working two jobs that barely get the bills paid on a weekly basis.  I would love to buy my daughter the laptop she's craving for Christmas, and I'd like to get my son his own junior atomic bomb kit (my son tends to be a little destructive).  I'd like to buy my wife a really nice piece of jewelry, or have the time to put together some home-made memento.  Maybe a book of love sonnets.  I'd like to do a lot of things that I simply can't afford, money-wise or time-wise.

However, I know I'm just talking about things.  My daughter can live without a laptop, but she knows she has a father who loves her more than anything.  My son can wait until college to conduct his nuclear experiments, but he knows he has a daddy whose lap can fall asleep in.  My wife may have an unimpressive wedding band, but she knows she has a husband who has her back in any situation.  Those are things that a million dollars can't buy.  In many ways, my family is very wealthy.

Saint Marty wishes he had a million dollars, but he settle for hot dogs.