Showing posts with label Did God Will That. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Did God Will That. Show all posts

Friday, June 19, 2015

June 19: Did God Will That, Neighborhood Bullies, Clown Fairy Tale, Sally Wen Mao, "The Bullies"


[Ives r]emembered how Robert, coming home in tears after John F. Kennedy was assassinated, had asked him, "Did God will that?"

Ives' son, Robert, asks a question theologians and Christians have wrestled with since Christ was crucified, I think.  In the face of great tragedy, every person of faith eventually runs into crises.  Loved ones who become ill.  Job loss.  School shooting.  Church shootings.  Health scares.  And the inevitable question that arises is, "Did God will that?"

My son is a good kid.  Six years old, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body.  When he goes out on the playground, he thinks everybody is his friend.  When they turn out to be less than friends, he lacks the skills to deal with the rejection.  For example, there is a group of older neighborhood kids who take pleasure in getting him angry.  They taunt him, call him names, throw things at him until he reacts.

I don't know where children learn to be mean to other children.  I have never taught my son to judge other people.  His aunt has Down Syndrome.  He's had friends who were deaf and blind.  He loves everybody.  So where do other kids learn to hate?  It has to come from somewhere.  I want to believe that people, at the core, are good, but, when my son comes to me and says that kids are throwing rocks at him, I tend to have a spiritual crisis.  I want to march over to the kids' houses, pound on their doors, and yell at the first adult who answers, "What the hell are you teaching your children?"

Dylann Roof, the kid who killed nine people in a Charleston church two days ago, wasn't always a racist.  The kids who throw rocks at my son weren't always little shitheads.  Somewhere along the line, Dylann Roof was poisoned.  Ditto the neighborhood bullies.  God doesn't will hatred and cruelty into being.  It happens because the human race is incredibly flawed.  In a perfect world, love and understanding would be the guiding principles.   We don't live in a perfect world.

Once upon a time, a clown named Giggles lived in a town where clowning was against the law.  People hated Giggles.  They ignored him, wouldn't invite him to Thanksgiving dinner or July 4th picnics.

One night, Giggles got drunk, stumbled into the town square, and startled juggling handkerchiefs.  A grim crowd gathered to watch him.  Eventually, the sheriff showed up, beat Giggles with a billy club, and confiscated his red nose.

Giggles crawled home, bloody and bruised.  He crawled into bed and vowed to never clown around again.

Moral of the story:  Clowns suck.

And Saint Marty lived happily ever after.

The Bullies

by:  Sally Wen Mao

In 1997, the days were long, the sun
bloodshot, and Mountain View, CA smelled
like duck shit.  Those days, everyone's mind

was a sex tape on repeat.  Hirsute rumors

clogged the shower drains.  When young girls
disrobed together in a locker room, rancor
smelled like petunias.  The whole stink glowed

with mutant love.  In 1999, tremors erased

my larynx.  Voice mails flooded with cackles,
inboxes sneered.  Late afternoons, my legs
greened Granny Smith-style, and I believed

when they called my leviathan.

Ovoid girl--black hair, burnt skin, snaggletooth
and sexless ruin.  I saw tumors grow the size
of California.  Nobody spat.  Only suggested.

Give this up.  Shucked each desire.

Evenings, when I was finally free, I saw crushed stars
roll into the thistle field.  On that pungent summit

I was a gutter, a bountiful gutter.  I collected
clean rain.  I was a passageway to the open shore.

Where's my fairy wand?

Thursday, May 7, 2015

May 7: Did God Will That, Trying to Make Sense, Answered Prayers

[Ives r]emembered how Robert [his son], coming home in tears after John F. Kennedy was assassinated, had asked him, "Did God will that?"

Ives struggles with the question of God's will through most of Mr. Ives' Christmas.  So much senseless tragedy befalls him.  Ives doesn't understand why his good son, straight-A student and future priest, is gunned down in the street while his son's murderer is eventually released from prison and starts a family.  Ives can't make sense out of a senseless act, even though he spends years trying to do just that.  He wants a glimpse of God's master plan, if it exists.

I think Ives' dilemma is the dilemma of most thinking Christians.  When faced with immense tragedy (on a personal or global level), how do you continue to believe in God's goodness?  In a world full of tragedies (terrorist acts, tsunamis, earthquakes, wars), where does God fit in?  Why does God allow terrible things to happen?

Today is the one year anniversary of my brother's death.  Needless to say, I've been a little melancholy.  At lunch, I stopped in the medical facility my sister used to supervise.  One of my best friends works there, and I was hoping for a little spiritual uplift.  The employees were cleaning my sister's office out.  Boxing up her belongings.  Sifting through the detritus of an over 20-year career.  It didn't improve my frame of mind.

I don't presume to understand why my brother died or why my sister got sick.  Certainly, the last year or so of my brother's life was not easy.  Crushing headaches.  Constant pain.  As a stroke survivor, he faced challenges every day.  Before my sister's illness, she was under tremendous stress at work.  She was never able to just relax and be happy.

With a year's perspective, I understand that my brother was suffering, and, in some place in my heart, I know that he's in a much better place now.  Whole.  Joyful.  At peace.  That doesn't make the pain of his absence any easier.  From the day my brother had his stroke, I prayed every day for his healing.  As Truman Capote noted, though, "More prayers are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones."

I pray all the time for my sister now.  For her healing.  It frightens me sometimes to think what form that healing will take.  She's going to be having surgery in Ann Arbor at the end of May.  Then she will have many more months of recovery in the nursing home.  There is going to be no easy solution to my sister's health woes.  Jesus isn't going to show up at her bedside, touch her, and say, "Rise and go to McDonald's."

So, like Ives, I'm a little unmoored tonight.  Sad.  Confused.  But, that's what faith is all about if you're a true believer.  In the face of sadness and confusion, I have to trust in God.  That may sound naive or just plain stupid.  However, trust is the foundation of hope.

And hope is what Saint Marty needs on this day.

Missing you, brother