February 16: Saint Juliana

Let me tell you about a few things that piss me off.  Be warned, what you are about to read may come off as mean, petty, stupid, angry, sinful, envious, and cranky.  I will own that.  If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you already know what a flawed and broken person I am.  No big surprise.

I have not ranked the things I'm going to bitch about in any specific order.  These rants are spontaneous and fueled by my general need every once in a while to go a little postal (no offense if you're a mail carrier).  So, here I go...

I'm pissed that I'm a part-time adjunct English instructor at a university that I probably don't stand a chance of ever working for on a full-time basis as a "real" faculty member.  I've been an adjunct for close to 15 years now.  In fact, I think I'm considered the "senior" adjunct, which is sort of like being the head fry cook at McDonald's.  The only way I probably even stand a chance of being allowed to play with the grownups is if I win the National Book Award, the Pulitzer Prize, or the Nobel Prize in Literature.  I can't even be selected as a shitty Blog of Note, which brings me to my next subject...

I'm pissed that I haven't been chosen as a Blog of Note.  I follow the BONs every week.  One of the latest Blogs of Note is written by a woman who pretty much goes out to eat at different restaurants around the world, takes pictures of her food, and posts the pictures.  Big friggin' deal.  She now has hundreds of new followers because of her BON status.  Me, I can't get any new followers.  I have to personally remind most of my old followers to read my blog.  I guess the people of Blogger have something against someone who writes blogs that are literate, funny, spiritual, intelligent, and not about food.

I'm pissed that no matter how hard I work, I never seem to get ahead.  I start work at around 5:15 every morning.  During the day, I register patients, put together medical records, answer phones, and schedule surgeries.  Some time during that day, I sneak off to campus to teach one or two classes.  Then I come back to the first job and work until 5 p.m.  Tonight, because it's Wednesday, I have to go to church for choir practice at 7 p.m. and then praise band practice at 8 p.m.  I'll eventually get home around 9:30, just in time to make my daughter's school lunch, pick out my work clothes for tomorrow, and go to bed.  For my taxes this year, I have four W-2 forms.  Yet I still have trouble staying ahead of the bills.

I'm pissed that I've been trying to sell my house for over a year now and haven't gotten a single offer yet.  I spent about a month this autumn tearing up carpeting and painting walls, injuring my fingers and feet on carpet staples and tacks about 15,000 times.  I'm not a home improvement kind of guy.  The other night, I told my wife that I've resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to die in this house.  (It doesn't help that my coworker put her house on the market for a day, got three offers, and sold it immediately.)

I'm pissed that they changed the question format of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

I'm pissed that Justin Bieber didn't win the Best New Artist Grammy.  Just kidding.

I'm pissed that change is inevitable and that people try to convince me change is a good thing.  Change, for the most part, only brings about pain, hurt, hardship, and hard work.  Change sucks.

If you haven't realized it yet, I'm not in a great mood right now.  There's a legend about today's saint, Juliana.  In the third century, Juliana was thrown into prison for (what else?) being a Christian.  The story goes that, while she was in prison, the devil appeared to her, and she spent days wrestling with him and fending off his attacks. 

Right now, I'm Juliana, and I'm wrestling with some devils.  At the moment, it feels like the devils are winning.  And guess what?  That pisses me off, too.